A Letter to My Auntie

Dear Auntie,

It was great to see you this morning. I guess you were in an extremely jovial mood today, since you left me with no place to hide when you chose to praise me in front of all your friends in the market. If I made your day, I guess it is fine to suffer a little embarrassment.

A doctor I met recently in a seminar told me that we need to make it a habit to be thankful to those around us. This habit makes us appreciate things around us and being appreciative leads to happiness (for both the appreciater and appreciatee). Hence you are the first person whom I want to thank, simply because you have been my greatest role model in life and for all life’s valuable lessons which you have taught me.

Cliché as it may sound, life is unpredictable and no regret should set in when we bide each other farewell one day. It is extremely difficult for me to thank you verbally, since we have never shared a “I love you” between the two of us. However, I know that you love me all the same, simply because your actions speak louder than words.

I think this letter will never get to you in this lifetime, and even if it does, you won’t be able to read and understand the content. However, I know God and uncle will show and explain this content to you in future. In the meantime, I want as many people to know, what a wonderful woman you are.

Life’s Valuable Lesson #1
I remember when I was in primary school, I woke up in horror one night when I dreamt that I couldn’t find you in the house, and when I opened the door to your room, I found your photo on the altar. It was a terrible nightmare. I used to be scared of losing you, worrying that I can’t do without your care and concern. No longer now. Departure is part and parcel of life and instead of fretting over loss, we should treasure the remaining time happily together.

And you were the one who taught me this, by being more joyful and jovial even when I heard from cousins that you have been spending more time in bed nowadays. I know physical pain is troubling you, but you have never once let this pain become a burden to your love ones. One can still learn to be happy in difficult situations. I’m still learning to be optimistic and I wish I could be a fifth of who you are.

Life’s Valuable Lesson #2
You used to be a chain smoker. When my brother told you one day that your smoke was affecting him badly, you threw away your cigarette immediately and never once touch smoking again. You taught me that you can love one person more than you love yourself. I’m still learning to love others more than I love myself and I wish I could be a fifth of who you are.

Life’s Valuable Lesson #3
You are the undisputed ‘Cat Woman’ in Bukit Merah. At least 100 grateful abandoned or stray cats (and still counting) must have made our home their abode over the past 40 years. When a cat-fearing resident made callous remarks and threatened you with complaints to the town council, you stood firm, believing that the cats deserve protection and love from us humans. You were able to stand even firmer, with your legion of good friends who supported your actions and also started to bring cats back to their own homes.

That’s you, a lovable woman who is always so kind towards others, be it giving money to the homeless uncle who makes a living by picking card boxes and drink cans, taking care of a neighbour’s child while she tend to urgent errands or sharing your latest Hong Kong TVB drama serials with bored neighbours. I used to be able to roam all over Block 137 in Jalan Bukit Merah as a child, being welcomed into other residents’ homes because they treat and love you as a good friend. Be compassionate, keep giving and never expect any favour back in return, you used to tell me. I’m still learning to be compassionate and I wish I could be a fifth of who you are.

Life’s Valuable Lesson #4
When uncle’s physical and mental capability was severely restricted after he survived a major brain operation, everyone in the family was in a loss. Not you. The moment we fetched him home from the hospital, you tended to all his needs. From feeding, bathing to cleaning up after his visits to the commode, you did not once wince or complain about these difficult tasks. Uncle was easily twice your weight, but you still soldered on, insisted on bringing him out for morning walks to the market. Get a bit of fresh air and the sun, you would say. I remember you hurt your hands and knees badly when you fell while trying to save him from tripping during one of the morning walks.

That was love at its most testing moment, and you passed the test with flying colours. You were the most faithful and loyal wife I have ever seen. My uncle was a great man and he deserved a faithful wife like her. You made me believe that enormous love for someone is possible. I’m still learning to give in abundance and I wish I could be a fifth of who you are.

Life’s Valuable Lesson #5
When uncle passed away in 2002, everyone in the family was in a mess. I was probably the weakest one, crying non-stop. When I asked eldest cousin why you weren’t crying, she told me that you will cry later, away from everyone. “Everyone is already in a mess, she needs to be strong for the family.”

When I heard your shrill cry and saw you collapsing when uncle’s body was pushed into the cremator, I fully understood what eldest cousin meant.

You taught me sacrifice in the face of difficulties, is possible, if it serves a good cause. I’m learning to be brave in sacrificing for a cause and I wish I could be a fifth of who you are.

Epilogue
Mitch Albom once wrote, “Have you ever had someone who saw you as a raw but precious thing, a jewel that, with wisdom, could be polished to a proud shine?”

I am proud to say yes to that question, and that person is my auntie, who took care of me for the first 15 years of my life, without expecting anything back in return. I affectionately address her as mum and my biological mum has never once voiced her disagreement over this. Thanks to her, I have become someone who is happy and contented with his life and someone who has a better directional sense on what he wants in life. I am, because of what she has imparted to me, and for that, I am eternally grateful to her.